Compassion

I sat impatiently in the waiting room, anxious to get the procedure over with and get back to normal life. Everyone there had their eyes to their feet; hardly anyone ever spoke. After what felt like an eternity, the nurse finally called out my name and I looked to the father. I knew my eyes communicated desperation, fear. He gave me a reassuring smile and told me that everything would be all right, that he would be right there when I was done. I nervously smiled back, carefully stood up on my feet, and walked through the doors that led to the fate of my baby.

Growing up, I believed that since I was raised in a Christian family, it was a given that I’d never have an abortion. If I was ever in that situation, I’d have the baby. Quite honestly though, I was convinced I would never end up there.

It’s 2016 when this picture is taken and I’m 20. My relationships are rocky, I don’t have a sense of direction in life, and Jesus isn’t in the picture. I find out I’m pregnant and many emotions overwhelm me. I can’t believe I’m really here. What will my parents think? What will other people think? I don’t want my body to change, I don’t want to face the stares, I don’t want to face the wrath of my parents. Whatever I decide to do will be met with shame. I tell the father what we are going to do and he agrees; we are on shaky ground anyway.

The reason I wanted to write this is because there are so many voices around the possibility of the Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade. I’m seeing people, including brothers and sisters in Christ, respond in rage and animosity. It’s overwhelming and it honestly hurts. I also have thoughts behind this and expressing them all here is just not feasible. So, what I wanted to bring to the conversation is compassion – for others to step into the shoes of those involved in the abortion decision.

In hindsight, I wish I had the strength to keep my child so that I could hold him or see him in the backseat of my car; I wonder what he’d look like. The reality is, I took his life. However, rather than ruminating on this like I used to and attempting to make up for all I’d done, I began to look to the Giver of Life for comfort and was met with hope. He redeemed me. My baby is still living and I am in awe that God is using this child’s life to heal me and others around me. He gave my child a name and promised that I will get to see him one day (2 Samuel 12:23).

So, brothers and sisters in Christ, please realize that some of your brothers and sisters have gone through with the decision to have an abortion and are living in shame. Realize that your words carry weight. Realize that these are actual people you are talking about. We are told to speak the Truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), to have mercy (James 2:12-13), and to love our neighbors and enemies (Matthew 5:43-48; Matthew 22:37-39).

Again, what I have to say does not capture the entire picture of the variety of reasons people have for choosing abortion. It doesn’t entirely reveal the depth of God’s love; who can but God Himself? I am also at fault for not adhering to all these principles perfectly. My aim is to encourage you to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger (James 1:19-20). And lastly, my intent is to tell you that there is nothing that God can’t redeem you from (Ephesians 1:7-8a; Colossians 1:13-14; Isaiah 44:22; Romans 2:4).

Keep fighting the good fight.

~Written May 7th, 2022